No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Lemonade

Living with epilepsy can be a real pain, and I mean that quite literally. The other day I had a seizure, fell and somehow landed on my shoulder which is now extremely sore and causing my fingers to be swollen. I had to use lotion and work for an inordinate amount of time just to get my ring off of that hand this morning. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure that ten years ago the same seizure would not have caused this much pain and difficulty in my life, so aging is also a factor here as is my extra baggage in the form of adipose tissue. I like to think of it as padding. I have ample padding to protect me from these falls. AMPLE. But the other pain is that I went on an interview that at first I was hesitant about, got there and found out more about the position and got a bit excited only to find out that it would require me to drive on a daily basis. I lost my driver's license years ago due to my epilepsy and my neurologist has no plans on letting me drive again. I don't blame him. I'd be devastated if I ever caused an accident and hurt anyone else. There's no blame to place here. It just is what it is. I have a medical condition that I live with every day. Most days it has no effect on my life, no impact of any importance or consequence. Some days it has a severe impact and others it's only minimally invasive. So what? I can't play video games anymore. And going to clubs can be a risk if there's a strobe light and there usually is. I'm 35, I have better things to do with my time than play video games and I'm married to a wonderful woman now and we have a great life and really rarely ever even consider going to a club. Sure, I have to take medication that makes me sleepy and groggy and causes me to have somewhat depressed cognitive functions. I take it just before bed. It's helped me sleep better, so I made lemonade out of that lemon. That's usually what I try to do. I think of myself as a glass is half full kind of girl - at least most of the time. It can be easy to get bogged down with the woe-is-me's. I know that. In my earlier days I lived in woe- is- me-ville. It's not the kind of place you want to hang your hat. The neighborhoods are grungy and full of undesirables. Lots of unpaved roads that lead to nowhere and an oppressive totalitarian government. I was beholden to find my way out and into the sunshine of optimism. Staying here can be somewhat tricky at times, but it's well worth the effort. Today I'll relax with a heating pad and be glad that this only happens on rare occasions. I'll let my wife cater to my needs and if the mood so strikes me I'll read instead of paint allowing my shoulder to rest. Anyways, Sundays are ripe for relaxation.

6 cookies cracked:

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

WOW! What a drag. I would hate to have to live with epilepsy and not be able to drive. I sometimes feel sorry for myself living with fibromyalgia etc. I am sorry you have to live with that. I hope you can find a job you love that doesn't require driving!

No More Empty Fortune Cookies said...

Yikes, and I'd hate to live with fibromyalgia. At least epilepsy only hinders me occasionally while yours is much more frequent I imagine. How does it affect your ability to paint and work on your art? Not being able to paint is the one thing that can spin me into depression faster than most anything else.

p.bohnert said...

There are ways around everything. They have drugs on trial right now that grow alternate capillary routes around your closed heart arteries. Losing that job just means you have to find another one, take a different route, use science to figure it out, look in corners that didn't seem to be there yesterday.
Starting over means you get to start with a clean slate. I love do-overs!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Ah, very well said. Sometimes it's hard to live there...but you're right, the neighborhood is SOOO much better!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Oh, by the way...I love your blog name! :)

No More Empty Fortune Cookies said...

Real Live,
thanks and ...thanks! :)