No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Positively in a Negative Mood

I try to keep a positive attitude. Really, I do. I know I come here to bitch and moan, but that's where I do my bitching and moaning, mostly. I try to keep it out of my real life interactions and out of my present state of mind. I come here, dump off all that negativity, and go back to my world of happiness...most of the time.
The last several weeks have been increasingly difficult for me. I still suffer from the loss of The Sunny Dog. And I still ache for the constant and uncontrollable loss of my sight. And I miss having meaningful, gainful employment. What I do brings in a little cash here and there, but not the steady, sure paycheck I got when I was workin' for tha man.
I miss the financial freedom I once enjoyed. I mean, we were never rich, but we had savings, and spending cash, and the ability to shop on a whim. Those days are gone, and they are gone because I lost that good paying job and tried to go into business for myself. They are gone because The Wifester lost her good paying job and has taken one at half her previous pay while she continues to look for something better. It's been a year and a half now, and she still can't seem to find any better than what she now has. And that also sucks. We hear so much about how the market needs skilled workers. Educated workers. What you don't hear about is how they don't want to pay the skilled, educated workers a fair wage for those skilled jobs. Not just anyone can assist a physician with tests, blood work, assessments, and triage. Not just anyone can administer shots and meds and give correct and accurate instructions to patients on the doctor's behalf. But they want to pay menial labor wages for such skilled, educated, and experienced people as The Wifester.
It's insane.
I guess I'm just in a sour mood today. I have to fill out this stupid dog license renewal for the state of Ohio and let them know that The Sunny Dog is gone. I could have done without the renewal notice in the mail this week. Couldn't the vet have just notified them for us? Shouldn't they? I mean, she was with him in surgery when she passed. He had her collar with the tags. As a common courtesy, if nothing else, the vets should take that upon themselves so we don't have to deal with it like this. It just serves as yet another reminder that such a major and special part of my life is missing. Gone, never to be recovered.
Bleh! I hate this feeling.
I hate talking about this feeling.
I hate hating this feeling.
And I miss my companion. Sunny wasn't just my dog. She was a constant, loyal, loving and sweet friend. She has been by my side 24/7 for the last three years since I've worked from home. I think that makes it harder. I'm glad I was able to spend her last years spending so much time with her, she loved it, but I think that makes her absence all the more difficult on me.
I'll be OK. I know that. I just need to fill out this stupid paperwork for the state and get on about my day.
I guess I just needed to come her and take a load off.

Monday, November 19, 2012

To Drive or Not To Drive

The Wifester and I were talking yesterday about driving and whether or not I missed it, and to what degree did I miss it, and whether or not she would miss it if she could no longer drive. She says she wouldn't miss a thing about driving, and that if she didn't have car-sickness she would never drive again and be absolutely fine with being passenger. But as it is, her car-sickness is lessened significantly by her driving rather than riding. C'est la vie, Wifester. Besides, I guess it's probably a good thing one of us can still drive.

I tend to first think, HELLS YEAH I miss driving. But upon deeper inspection of the idea, I actually find that no, I don't miss all that much about the experience. Sometimes I miss the freedom that being able to drive gave me, but the driving itself? Not so much. I recall that I seemed to be hitting lots of garbage cans, light posts, and other random side-of-the road items. I had way too many to count near death experiences while trying to drive. I would check my mirrors, look over my shoulder, and then begin to merge over on the interstate only to be greeted with honking horns and a few explicit words being flung in my direction accompanied by a middle finger...I nearly sideswiped many a car, truck, bus, semi, you name it. If it was on the road, I have either hit it, run over it, or barely missed hitting it or running it over. I'm honestly quite surprised I survived my driving years. Sure, it was a long, painful adjustment to letting go of driving. And I continued to drive long after I was told not to. And I still sometimes get the idea that yes, yes I could still drive if I wanted to! But honestly, I know I don't see enough to do it safely.
So I just don't.

And living here, where I have such easy access to just about anything I want within walking distance makes it super nice. I can walk to coffee shops, bars, an array of restaurants from fast food to the chicest of the chic vegetarian/vegan digs in the greater Cleveland area. I can walk to drug stores, grocery stores, parks, hair salons, art galleries, and even ice cream shops. That makes giving up the keys so much easier. Of course, I still have to battle my own laziness and tell myself, "You CAN walk down there, you know!"
Eh, just knowing I can walk there if I need to really helps keep that helpless, dependent on others feeling at bay. Even if I do wait for the Wifester to give me a ride when the weather is either too hot, too cold, rainy or snowy.

How about you? Do you have anything that prevents you from driving? Do you miss it, or just the idea of it? And if you are still able to drive, how much do you think you would or would not miss it? How would you adapt to giving up your keys?