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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Adaptation and Peace

Retinitis pigmentosa.
It's been over a year since the diagnosis. In some ways it seems like it was only a month ago they delivered the news. So much has happened in the last year, so many changes...some for the better, some worse.
I've moved from Nashville, TN to Cleveland, OH. I've lost one house and gained another. I met some new folks and left some others in my past. I've finally gotten approved for social security/disability, and I've come to terms with needing to use a cane instead of relying on my eyes to see where I'm stepping.
I've adapted my art to my failing sight. That makes me both happy and sad. Mostly, though, I've found it to be a challenge that I'm quite up for...most days.
I've learned to appreciate audio books, and I've learned to ask for more light.
There's times I want to curl up in a ball and forget that I'm going blind. And there's times that I want to go rally the masses to fund research for a cure. If I was a religious person, I'm not sure if I'd be mad at God, or Allah, or Buddha or whoever, or just feel a little bit screwed. I'm not though, so I just kind of look at it like, well, a matter of biology and chance. After all, that is what it comes down to.
I think if I had found this out back in my manic fuled days of partying and getting high, I'd probably be dead right now. Not intentionally, but it would have made a great excuse to overdo it on all those party favors I used to keep in stock. I'm glad I'm not there anymore. I'm glad I have The Wifester and some really good friends.
I'm learning to adapt to the constant changes in my vision, in my life, in my attitude.
I think that's been how I find my peace.