No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Stop, or I'll Stab You With My Fork

Most people who are in love are fortunate enough to have a partner or spouse who whispers sweet nothings in their ear. Tender, nurturing, sentimental words that make the knees go weak and the heart go pitter-patter. It's this sentimental, mushy-gushy chatter that endears us to our significant others, and raises the body temperature ever so slightly.
Last night as we snuggled together on the sofa, I eased my hand to a position, posterior to the Wifester, and commenced to caressing her sweet tush to which I was greated with the retort
" Stop, or I'll stab you with my fork!"

Ahhh...if that's not love...In all fairness to her, I suppose a tush-rub can be distracting when one is trying to eat dinner. ( I'd choose the tush rub, personally. But that's just me.)

In other news, I'm officially a sell out...I gave in and joined the YMCA. I'm tired of being fat. And I'm tired of fighting them for a family membership for the Wifester and I. It's a battle that I so don't have the time or energy for right now. Sometimes I wish I were still twenty-one. At twenty-one I had fight in me for any and every battle that came my way, and a few contrived ones as well. I fought for the sake of fighting back then and bucked authority with the disdain of a thousand angry protesters all rolled up into one Fortune Cookie. Today I am older, wiser, and quite frankly, tired. I can't make the YMCA allow gay's and lesbians to join with family memberships any more than I can make my parents believe that I'm not going to burn in hell for all of eternity for loving another person.
Sometimes we have to pick our battles. I still boycott Wal-Mart and Cracker Barrel (unless I have a gift certificate) and I even wrestled with my Starbucks addiction, taming it to a manageable level, only having their burnt tasting lattes once every blue moon, or so. They are the true corporate whores, if you ask me. But on this one instance, I'm gonna have to sell out and conform just a bit. I need the use of their ellipticals and the treadmills on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'll let you know how it works out.( No pun intended)

15 cookies cracked:

tt said...

Wifster is soooo funny. You two are a perfect pair.
And I didn't know the Y has exercise stuff....where have I been??? Is it cheaper than a gym membership too???

Anndi said...

I pick the tush rub as well.

Good luck with the exercise regimen.

Reb said...

Good luck with the exercise.

gary rith said...

There's something you and I have in common, FC, I also like to grab and...
YMCA? Ugh, don't they have anything better to do? When I was about 20, I went in with a girlfriend, and aksed for the family price (so much lower!) and nobody said anything, even though it was a lie. WE weren't family!
As for lattes, we spent 89 bucks and got a bialletti stove top cappucino/latte makes and it is small, easy to use and KICKS A$$. I can even put non-dairy soymilk in there, and it foams great.
F#ck Starbucks, I say.....amnd the rest!

Jessica said...

"Stop, or I'll stab you with my fork!." Ha-I'll have to remember that one! :)

That sucks about the YMCA...idiots.

Good for you about starting to exercise. I normally start, do well for about a week and then get lazy. I'm determined to make exercising part of my daily routine for life. I feel so good when I do take the time to. *sigh* Why can't my addictive personality help me for once! LOL

Real Live Lesbian said...

I think you should take her forks away and make her eat with spoons. Then you can grab all you want! :)

Karen said...

I belong to the YMCA in my town too. I love it, but I never go. LOL.

Tink said...

I can't believe the YMCA is so petty as to not allow you guys a family membership. You know what, I can. This is America, home of the opinionated bastards. Grrr.

Hey, don't begrudge me my cake binge. I'm paying for it now. I gained two pounds and now I'm having to exercise doubly so I can still fit in my wedding dress. THIS. SUCKS.

You and wifey should definitely check out a bridal show sometime though. It was great blog fodder and the food was effin' orgasmic. I'm off to eat some healthy pumpkin seeds now. *Sigh*

Mandy said...

"stop or I will stab you with my fork" soo funny .... would she have done it if you didnt stop?

that sucks about the Y ... but good for you about exercising .. perhaps that will give you a new inspired energy to fight with them later on???

pannwriter said...

Wait, just wait. You are in the middle years. You feel tooooooo tired to fight just now. But soon, when you are my age, you can take up the fight again! The fight was for necessity when we were young - when we are old, it is for the fun of it!

Fortune Cookies said...

tt- where have you been ;) LOL yeah the Y has exercise equipment! and pools too! It's cheaper than a gym for me with my company's discount, but I don't know about regular rates...

anndi-thanks! I've already gotten blisters on my footsies, no pain, no gain...tush rubs are the best ;)

reb- thanks! I need all the well wishes I can get!

gary- when there's a sweet tush to be grabbed, who can blame us? As far as the YMCA...they will let brothers and sisters join as a couple but not the Wifester and I...but they are a "Christian" org. and they have the right under the law to discriminate.

jessica- I'm with you on that, if I could just get addicted to exercise as easily as I get addicted to everything else... ;)

RLL- GREAT IDEA! as of today, she gets no more forks! I just may have to come vacuum your new house in exchange for that ;)

Karen-Come on down on Monday & Wednesdays and we'll go work out together! LOL

tink- "America, Home of the Opinionated Bastards" isn't that the new national anthem?
I extend my invitation to Karen to you as well ;)
Good luck with your two pounds! I'm sure you'll make it before the wedding and be a BEAUTIFUL bride!

mandy- let me fill you in on a secret about the Wifester...she's more bark than bite ;) but shhhhh, that's just between us! and re: the YMCA...I know that once I've gotten back into an exercise routine, my energy levels will rise, hopefully then, and once I've finished school...I'll be better equipped for the fight.

pannwriter- Oh, I know I've still got the fight in me, I just need to finish school, get my green lavergne group rolling with a bit more momentum, and have a few less things on my plate, then I can focus my attention on the fight again. And honestly, I look forward to it!

gary rith said...

If I lived in your town, I would happily walk in the YMCA door, hand in hand with you, and smile and say we were married, and get 2 passes. If they needed proof, I could grab your...anyway, you would owe me a six pack, oh yes.

g-man said...

LOL, your wifester and mine, peas in a pod I tell ya!

Bummer on the fight, but rooting for ya on the Y. I need to keep going to the gym. Rock on sista!

Fortune Cookies said...

Gary- I think if I let you grab my... then YOUoweME a bottle of wine, at the very least... ;)
but thanks for the sentiment,I think.

gman-women! what can we do? LOL

patty said...

Rock on with the elliptical and the ass-grabs!