No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Elvis Lives, at the DMV



Friday was supposed to be my day to get off work at noon, zip by the DMV, get a new ID since mine has been expired since my birthday, back in August, and then have the rest of the day to play, play, play! I had it all planned out in my head. I haven't yet spent the birthday money from Wifester's grandma, and I so wanted to go shopping with that. I also had a walk at the park with the Sunny-dog in mind. Knowing the debates would be on in the evening, I wanted to pack my day with as much as possible, so that I could return home, fulfilled, happy, and ready to face the debacle that is our political system.
Wifester picked me up from work, and we headed over to our local DMV, which I looked up online before leaving work, just to make sure we knew where we were headed. We don't want to waste gas, what with the shortage around here these days, and the prices, sheeeesh! I found the web site and located the nearest place where I can pick up an ID only, since my neurologist won't allow me to drive, that's all I need. If I didn't have the driving restriction, I could have ordered it online, but nooooo... I have to go in. So off we go. Luckily for us, we thought, the DMV is right down the street from our neighborhood. We get there, and circle the building, not seeing any cars, except one in the back corner, with a questionable looking man talking on his cell phone, parked in the furthest corner. We finally locate the DMV office, and wouldn't you know, this office is closed on Fridays! Now you'd think that would be information that they would have placed on their web site! The sign on the door says to visit the other location, in the neighboring city, the one we passed, on the way home, to this one. So backtracking, we head out, passing the same questionable looking man, who now has company in the form of another car with another questionable looking man parked next to him. I'm not here to make assumptions, but I've lived a very full 35 years, and I've been in those cars in the back corners of parking lots that can't bee seen from the road, and I know what's usually happening in them, I'm just saying. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, this is not a DMV I want to come back to.
We finally make it to the other DMV, and upon entering, see a sign on the door that says, "Renewing or Replacing License or ID? Don't wait in line, use our SELF SERVICE KIOSK". Great! I thought, and head right on over to it, there was actually 5 kiosks, all of which were occupied, so I get in line and wait, and wait, and wait. Finally a gentleman leaves his kiosk, and I move in to get started. I realized he walked away without hitting "Submit" and he had an error message on the screen, so I called to him to notify him, "Yeah", he said, "I know" and dismissed me with a wave of his hand. I backed away, not wanting to peer at this gentleman's social security number and driver's license number and other personal information that he'd left on the screen, until finally the lovely DMV worker from the counter across the way cleared the screen so that I could start. I say lovely DMV worker, of course, in jest. This woman was by far the most vile human being ever placed on this planet. Honestly, if you hate your job so much, just do everyone a favor and shoot yourself. I looked at Wifester at one point and said " These are state employees, right?" "Yep" she answered. "So, we're paying them to talk shitty to us" "yeah, and they do it cause it's impossible to get fired from a state job" she replied. Wifester needs a job at the DMV. I think it would help her work out some pent up aggressions.
Where was I? Ah yes, well, I begin the process at the kiosk, entering all my info, which is a quite legnthy and detailed questionaire, by the way. And at the end, it tells me "You are not eligible to renew your ID at this station, please get in line"
YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!
So I get in the line which has grown by at least 10 more people since I first got there, and when I finally made it up to the counter, Sweetie, the lovely DMV worker, says with utter and complete sarcasm"Yah, cause you're suspended, you can't use that". OK. Let me inject here, I am only suspended because I have a medical condition, epilepsy, and that I was only trying to renew my ID, not my license. And if the stupid kiosk will not allow these types of renewals, it should tell you that at the begining of the process, or on the friggin door sign that suggests anyone wanting a renewal to go to the kiosk! Am I wrong here? Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Maybe my logic is not the same as everyone else's.
So Miss. Smarty pants gives me an application, and a ticket with number 118. I look up at the "Now Serving" board, and they are on 92. Miss Smarty Pants says "It's gonna be like an hour and a half, have a seat, we'll get to you when we can."
As I'm walking away, she hollers out, to the waiting area "if you have one of my pens, bring it back! I've gone through two boxes today! If you're using my clipboards, be sure you return them here too, people!" She had one of those tones that made the tiny hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.
As we sat in the waiting area, we looked around, and saw some interesting people. I love people watching. There was the young mom, who was more interested in the conversation she was having on her cell phone than watching her baby crawl around on the floor, try to eat the floor, grab her pack of cigarettes out of her purse, drop them on the floor, then place them in his mouth, you know, that kind of stuff. Aparently she was going to "kick it" with her friend, and needed to discuss in detail the arrangements and the liquor that needed to be purchased.
I couldn't bare to watch the little one wallow around on the nasty floor of the DMV so my eyes drifted over to what I though for a few moments was surely Ritchie Valens. In my head, I was singing "Oh, Donna....Oh, Donna..." then I giggled and elbowed the Wifester as we both saw Elvis enter the building!
He must have been hanging around outside when we entered, because we did see a car with "Elvis Lives" on the license plate, and surely this man went with that car...

And what's more, when they called number 108, he stepped up to the counter! Elvis's birthday was Jan. 8, coincidence? Well, most certainly so, but fun none the less!
They finally called my number, and I stepped up to counter 2 where a man with a gentle tone, which surprised me, after hearing the screaching bitch from hell all afternoon, who asked me why I didn't just use the kiosk. I explained that it would not allow me to renew, and he looks at his screen, and says to me, "Oooooh, well, do you know what you'll need to do to get your license back?" "Yeah," I said, "Get cured from epilepsy." He types a few times, and replies "Oh! yours is just a medical hold. Yeah, you just need clearance from your physician".
No duh!
It really gets old when people assume the worst when I have ID only. Even at the DMV. It' s bad enough when I go to buy a bottle of wine, and the clerk looks at me like "come on, lady, you've already lost your license" or when I'm out with Wifester and the waiter looks at it, then looks at me, then looks at it again, and I can see their wheels spinning..."What did she do? Was it a DUI? Was it tickets? What happened?" And it's always followed by that same condescending, what a pitty look. I hate that. I'm not saying I've been Miss. Perfect Angel all my life, by no means has that ever been me. But I have made it this far without and driving record due to being impared while behind the wheel. And I rather dislike the assumption.
Anywhoodle...
By the time I left the DMV, it was almost 4 oclock, and the day was spent. But I do have a new ID, in which I look as though I'm just about to wrap my hands around someone's neck and squeeze until their head pops off. On the up-side, I can vote at my new location come November worry free.
How was your Friday?

9 cookies cracked:

Mandy said...

"How was your Friday?"

much MUCH better than yours (and I had a sick 4 year old and a sick 33 year old to deal with)!!

personally I think they need outsource the DMV to a private company

it took me 8 HOURS in an ATL DMV to transfer my license from Florida b/c they were all confused that I previously had a Georgia license ... you would have thought I was the only person to ever leave georgia then come back years later

sorry you get attitude about your ID only .... people suck...but not as bad as that person with the kid crawling all over the floor eating cigarettes ..lets just hope she has a babysitter and isnt left in a car to "sleep" while the "mom" parties ...

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

FOUR O CLOCK???????????
You were in hell for a little while weren't you?

Tink said...

I hate the DMV. If I had a choice, the dentist or the DMV, I'd chose the dentist every time. But at least now you'll be able to rock the vote! Woo-hoo!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Oh, much better than yours and I don't even remember what happened! LOL

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Here's hoping your Monday's much better than your Friday!

pabees said...

Great story! I couldn't stop reading, wanted to find out if you stuck through it!
Here's my story, I went to have my license renewed and when I sat down to have my picture taken I sat forward on the chair. Apparently they never refocus the camera (nor look at the picture they took), they just point and shoot. So when the DMV person was done she handed me the platicized card and the picture was fuzzy. I thought she would say something and make me sit there while she redid the card. But, no! She did not care one little bit. I ended up with a picture that is pleasingly fuzzy; no age wrinkles, no dark circles, no startled deer look. Just fuzzy and I love it! Next time you go, sit on the front of the chair!

Fortune Cookies said...

mandy- eight hours?? I think I'd of gone postal. That woman with the baby on the floor made me my gut wrench. She gets to have as many kids as she wants to shoot out, but I can't adopt cause I'm gay. pfffft!

gary- hell would have been vacation from that place! ;)

tink- dentist vs dmv, yeah, I gotta say, I'm with yah on that.

rll-Monday was MUCH MUCH better, thank you!

pabees-I totally didn't think about sitting forward in that chair to blur my photo! I'll try to remember to do that next time! Thanks for the tip!

Reb said...

Oh, they outsourced that years ago up here and it has made such a difference! I can't imagine being patient enough to wait that long.

kcinnova said...

Good Grief!! FOUR hours!?!

As long as dh is active duty, I don't have to renew my home-state license.
But child #2 is about to get his learner's permit, and I am dreading another DMV experience (already went through it in home-state with child #1). This one may get complicated if they need to see MY license... because you & I both know that common sense is not a requirement to work at the DMV and they might not understand all those little quirks like "medical reasons" or "military status." Sheesh!!

FOUR HOURS!?!!!!

Just keep telling yourself, "I can vote. I can vote. I can vote."

tt said...

You cracked me up!
I love people watching too, but I usually don't have anything printable to say about my encounters...you were every eloquent in your descriptions! lol

I must have missed the part about your ep..epel..condition. That totally sucks. Are meds controlling it ok? Hope so.

I'm thinking you need to drop a wee little hint to the wifester about a certain potterman we know...and see if you can get you a nice little ditty. ;) Maybe??