No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Finding Balance

Sometimes, in the course of life, one realizes that their current station is not suited to them any longer. That is the position I found myself in when I decided to enroll in school, again, for the third time in my adult life. Now, I am well aware that people are prone to change their minds, and careers, multiple times throughout their adult lives, but I've always thought of myself as exempt from such waffling. I really shouldn't be surprised whenever I decide to change course midstream, I have after all, shifted from retail management to nursing, then from nursing to customer service/ work. This shift, therefore, should be quite presumable to anyone who knows me at all. I've thought this only because in every other respect, I've been such a stubborn person that once I make a decision I usually stick with it, so much so that I tend to end up, dare I say, riding out a very bad decision to an end that is synchronically both conspicuous and detrimental to my overall well-being.
Take, for example, my decision to move to California with The Wanderer, if you don't know that story, read it here, here and here.
That will most certainly go down in my archives as one of the worst decisions ever made.
Some good did come from it, however, as is usually the case, so all was not lost.
When I decided to move in with my friends, the Party Boys, THAT was yet another very, oh so very bad decision. Sometimes, we get caught up in a sequence of events that carries us with it, rather than us directing the outcome. That happened in my life for a few years , I consider it my "lost years" because I was lost to my cause. I was unable to work toward my goals, unable to see my goals, or even realize that I had them anymore.
Now is not one of those times in my life. Thankfully, I have moved past that period, and into a more stable environment and into a much more comfortable place with my own self.
Self assuredness fosters motivation and goal setting. Setting goals helps us to direct our attention to what is important. Without defined goals, one may become easily sidetracked, as I have shown time and time again in my life. Goals setting has been proven to foster success by helping us to become more intrinsically motivated. I have been a prime example of this. The culmination of events in my life combined with my renewed self esteem and goals have led me to a place in which my motivation level is at a summit. Since starting back to school again, I have maintained a 4.0 GPA, which I would like to maintain until graduation. I.T. Computer Science & Web Development are not exactly the easiest courses of study to maintain a 4.0 in, so I am going to reach way around now, to pat myself on the back. Here , I'll take a bow for you, too ;)

What I'm finding most difficult is balancing work, school, and family, and still finding time for my extracurricular fun stuff like this blog, walks in the park, whatevs.
I have a tendency to throw myself in to things full force, and neglect other projects in my life until the one at hand is completed, to my satisfaction. I don't juggle, I'm not the master plate spinner. I can multi task, somewhat, but I would not say that it is my forte.
Sometimes when I need to be studying, I just want to read that book that I got for Christmas, or snuggle with my sweetie. Other times, when I am trying to study, or take a test online, my sweetie is saying, gruffly, "There you go again, getting on that computer!" In this day and age, classes are conducted online, tests are taken online, homework is submitted online. I spend a LOT of time ONLINE. It is very difficult to make a somewhat neglected partner understand that I am doing this now so that we will have more time together later. And it is difficult for me to not feel the gut wrenching guilt of being negligent toward her, even if it is, in the long run, for the better good.
Today, I am on a mission to find balance in my life.
I need to find a way to simultaneously maintain my GPA and my relationship.
Any suggestions?

2 cookies cracked:

Karen said...

Sleep less.

Jay said...

If I had the answer to that question I wouldn't have screwed things up so much myself. I know, I'm not all that helpful. Sorry about that. ;-)