I guess I'm just not feeling the "Dear_____" vibe today because I got to spend time holding my sweet little four week old nephew this morning.
Time holding a baby is always priceless. But it always makes me think about my own chance of ever experiencing motherhood.
I have serious doubts about that ever happening now. Not that I don't want it to, but I just don't see it happening. Adoption is so expensive, and much more difficult for same sex couples, not to mention my low vision status, and our less than desirable credit.
We have thought about artificial insemination, and would definitely consider that route, but there are health risks involved for women our ages in carrying a baby as well as risks for the baby, too. Sometimes I think maybe we were just not destined to be moms.
But I hate that thought.
Sometimes I think we'll get our chance one day. One day...
I hold my nephews and I long for my own little, tiny soul to look after, to nurture, to love. I know The Wifester does, too. I see it in her eyes when she holds her nephews. When she sees mothers with their children. She wants to be a mom desperately. And she would make such a wonderful mom! Kids love her. LOVE her. And she's so good with them. It's one of the things that I love the most about her. She has some of the most nurturing, tender, maternal instincts I've ever seen in a person. Any kid would be lucky to have her for a mom, and I would feel so honored to have the chance to raise a child with her.
I really don't know if that day will ever come to fruition for us, and my logical mind tells myself not to waste time with false hopes for things that most likely will never happen. But I do have to admit that a teeny, tiny little part of me holds on to that hope and wraps it around me like a warm winter's blanket.
Only time will tell if we'll ever get to be moms, ourselves. Until then, at least we do get to be aunts.
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