Meet my meningioma

It just keeps getting better.
That's a touch of sarcasm, in case you didn't detect it. I know, imagine that, me being sarcastic.
What-whaaaaa?

A meningioma.
That's what they found in my brain. It's a small little tumor of the meninges, which is the tissue that covers the brain. And it has taken up residence in my frontal lobe, which probably makes it sound worse than it hopefully is. So all those times I told myself, "Oh, don't worry, it's all in your head." I was right. It really was all in my head.

Literally. In. My. Head.

It's a small one, thankfully, only 1 cm wide, by 1 cm tall, by 1/2 cm thick. It's at the base of my left frontal lobe. And most likely it is benign. So there's that. I mean, I'd much rather the doctors say "most likely benign" than any of the alternatives. I mean, can I get a witness?!

And there's a cyst which has probably been there since birth, they said. Mr. Cyst is sitting on my right temporal lobe. Which probably explains my seizures. Why previous doctors didn't find this cyst is beyond me. But there it sits on my MRI, pretty as a penny, shouting out, "here I am!"

Oh, brain of mine, you so cray-cray!

So tallying up all the stuff, The Wifester and I, in our infinite wisdom, decided that this previously undiscovered gene mutation that I have is definitely responsible for all of my ailments: vision loss, seizures, migraines, and pfft, whatever else is bothering me on any given day such as allergies, hives, asthma, tummy trouble, you name it. Speaking of naming things, they'll probably want to name some new syndrome after me, I mean, of course they will! Why wouldn't they? Right?
You may read one day about Fortune Cookie's Syndrome, and then you'll know that you heard all about it here first. You'll look so cool and in the know. And you'll be able to say, "Oh, I know Fortune Cookies. The Fortune Cookies." And women will swoon and men will feel jealousy and envy and wish they could boast about such accomplishments in life.
You're welcome.

So, in full disclosure, I don't really have all of the info. on it just yet, other than we'll probably just monitor it and see if it grows before committing to any plan of action. I have to go in and see the neurologist on the 8th of October, and we'll talk about it then. So I'll probably be blogging about it shortly thereafter.

Until then, I'm gonna enjoy doing crazy, erratic things just for the hell of it, then I'll blame it all on my meningioma. Doesn't that sound cute? My meningioma. Kinda like My Pony, only different. I mean, if you gotta have a brain tumor, I guess this is the one to hope for compared to the other options, and then once you do have it you might as well have fun with it, right? I mean, what good's a brain tumor if you can't use it as an excuse for your inappropriate behavior?

I Thought Weebles Only Wobbled

But apparently they fall down too.
At least, that is, if I fit the definition of a Weeble, and according to Wifester's description of my seizure and subsequent fall in the parking lot of Target yesterday, I am quite the Weeble who wobbled and then fell down. And boy did I fall. Like most times when that happens, I don't have a lot of memory of the event preceding or just following. I only hold small, spotty memory of bits and pieces. Kind of like taking a jigsaw puzzle and throwing all the pieces in the air and scooping up a hand full of whatever happened to land near you. You can see these few glimpses of the full picture clearly, but are not quite sure exactly how they all fit together.
I remember walking along and then I remember my legs not working anymore and the pavement getting closer and closer to my face.
I remember a kind man's voice, but not his face. And I remember Wifester, in my face, asking questions. The usual ones. Followed by "Can you talk to me?"
A wheelchair magically appeared, and I was assisted into it, and here's where things got really weird for me. I have no clue who was pushing the chair or what was going on around me. All I know is that my ass was really, really, really HOT.
And I don't mean hot like Beyonce's ass is hot, I mean hot like something is on fire, hot. Wifester says I was screaming "My butt's on fire!!" while trying to vacate the chair, except my legs were still not really working so I was clumsily unsuccessful. I would be remiss, did I not stop at this point to inform you, it appears that my ass simply is a bit too wide for the wheelchair. Go ahead, laugh it up. My hips, it seems, were causing the metal sides of the chair to rub against the wheels, unbeknownst to any of us at the moment.
Wifester decided, since I appeared to be having some kind of psychotic episode, what with the screaming about asses aflame and trying to climb out of the moving wheelchair, to hurry up and get me to the car. She began pushing the chair faster, which in turn made my ass burn all the more.
I was neither conscious enough, nor lucid enough to have the wherewithall to explain to her what was happening in a manner that she could understand. It seems that all that I could articulate at that postictal state was "It burns! It burns!"

Wifester says she even asked if I'd been stung by something.
Well, we made it to our car and once I was seated in it, I realized my knees were both throbbing, my left ankle and my right wrist were throbbing. My right shoulder...I hurt from head to toe. Speaking of toes, a few of them, I noticed, were scraped up. Damned flip flops are no help when you go down on pavement like that.

Today I have 6 bandages. At least it's basically symmetrical. On each side I now have a bandage on each hip, for the blisters from the burns from the wheelchair, (yes, I have second degree ass burns from the chair!) a bandage on each knee, and a bandage on a toe on each foot.
And I'd just done that pedicure!
Gah...sometimes living with me must be a real joy for the Wifester.
There are going to be zombies in town today and the Wifester and I were going to go to take photos...
I just don't think I can do it. I'm pretty gimped up. My arms, shoulders, back...everything hurts. not to mention my knees that look pretty much like hamburger meat.
Hopefully Wifester will still go. I really want to see those zombies!