Workouts and Camel Toes

Getting back to my blogging is like losing weight. Slow, and difficult to navigate.
Wii fit mocks me. It tells me how many days it's been since my last workout, and asks if I've been too busy to workout. It is right here with me. It sees me sitting on my ass in front of the tv. It knows I have not been too busy, rather too lazy. I'm relatively sure it has heard me coughing and hacking this past week and a half, and hasn't bothered to offer up a single "Gesundheit". I mean, that's just rude. And it seizes every opportunity afforded it to get a dig in at my expense.
Like when it asks me to step on the balance board, then says, in an almost pained voice, "Oh!"
Little Wii-bastard! I'm grateful blogger doesn't say, "Fortune Cookies, I see you've been too busy sitting on your ass watching Oprah and playing around on Facebook to blog this week." I'd be in need of a new laptop in very short order if that were the case.

So where to start?
Observations!
Observations that you probably care absolutely nothing about, but gimme a break, here. I'm trying to warm my blogging-ability back up again.

1. When my sofa is naked, the dogs do not hesitate to jump up there and sprawl out, scratch the seats, and leave their hair and drool slathered all over it.
2. When I carefully cover the sofa with a blanket to protect it from puppy claws and drool and hair, they stand at attention in front of it and wait for permission to jump up there.
3. Vodka makes football almost tolerable!

OH! How could I forget to tell you about this?!
Ok. So my Sally dog...she's special. We've established that, right? I mean, the multiple rounds of obedience school, the eating of 9 leashes and 6 collars in 1 year...The need for special food because of her ear allergies.
Yeah. Special.
So The Wifester and I have joked about, forgive me for being crude here but for lack of a better term, her "camel toe".
Her little female anatomy has just looked odd from the beginning, and honestly, she looks like she has a "camel toe" issue going on. Anyways, recently, she has been scooting her little but across the floor from time to time, and having worked in the veterinary field, I know that to be a sign that their anal gland needs to be expressed.
No biggie.
So Saturday we take her and the Sunny-dog to the vet to get their yearly shots, and to have Sally's anal gland checked out. Turns out her gland was fine, it's not her butt that's bothering her. It's that damned camel toe!
The vet says she has abnormally shaped anatomy. Essentially, she has an inverted vagina, which makes tinkle drippings get trapped in the skin fold around her labia, causing irritation.
Now, here's the kicker. Do you know how I'm supposed to remedy this? Per the vet, I have to use baby wipes and clean her friggin' camel toe after she pees!
No shit!
So now, not only do I have that spastic dog that the whole neighborhood knows to be "The Wild One", now I have to be that woman who wipes her dog's crotch after she goes potty. 
Great.