No More Empty Fortune Cookies!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Pardon me, do you have any inspiration?

him: "So, Fortune Cookies, I've been reading your blog..."
me: "Oh, yeah? Whatcha think? And you don't have to be nice just because I'm married to your cousin."
him: "No, really, I like it. I do"

And that was the prelude to the beginning of the questions about my history with addiction and recovery.

It seems like it was just the other day sometimes, and yet it seems a lifetime ago.
I look back now and think," Wow, that was me?"

"You'd never know it to see her today, huh? Looks all innocent and stuff..."
I laughed at Wifester, but had to agree, I most certainly in no way resemble that girl from 12 years ago that inhabited this skin.

I'm glad to be me today, and to not be me of 12 years ago. Even if I was thinner back then. I'll take fat, but healthy me over the much smaller, but terribly unhealthy me of those days.


I began to write this a week ago and am still having trouble finding the words that want so desperately to come out.
I wish they could flow, like they once did. Where do these blocks come from? Why do they affect me so personally?
I know that I always see an end to the blocks, but at the same time, I always fear that they have taken up permanent residence.
I've never really been able to pinpoint any specific activity that enables the flow of creativity to ebb it's way back into my life. It simply seems to rise and fall on a cycle all it's own, unpredictable and unstoppable.
I hope to find my voice again soon. I hope to find my art again soon. And once I do, I will no doubt share it with you.
Until then...
I'm searching for the end to yet another period of creative constipation.
I'm sorry to be less than entertaining today.

9 cookies cracked:

Jessica said...

First off, I love that you said creative constipation!! That is what I've been having lately, and I have found no words to describe it. Often I think I have to bring myself into a sort of funk to let out my creativity.
Second, you will get yours back, I promise. And you are always entertaining. :)

Karen said...

I am glad you posted. I was wondering where you were! You have been quite of FB and Twitter too. Glad you are ok, even if you are little "blocked up".

Anna said...

I know that creativity doesn't always flow the way we want it to. Have faith - it will come back!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Nascar= drive fast, turn left

Hang in's happening to me too right now. Probably all of this rain! Get out and soak up a little sunshine today. ;)

Reb said...

Nothing worse than being blocked. You will break through again though and we'll still be here.

Tink said...

I hope you find your muse again soon. And when you're done with her, send her my way too, okay? :)

g-man said...

Just be assured that it will return. :)

judie said...

Yeah, my muse is resting too. She's been gone quite awhile. I linked here from your other blog and hopped there from somewhere you left a comment....forget where. I have to tell you your poetry is AMAZING. I love it and wish it were a book that I could take to my soft chair, away from this computer, and read more comfortably. But sigh....I'm going back to your other blog now and read more of your spirit coming out! xoxoxo

Gramps said...

In twelve years from now, if I am the same person I am today, it will have been a waste of my time on this earth.

And as for the block...don't fret too much. Find a book, a sunny spot and a cup of coffee. That should do the trick.