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Friday, May 10, 2013

Crabby(ish) Patties

It's no secret that The Wifester and I are fat. We are. But we're trying not to be. If you've ever struggled with weight loss, the real kind, not just "I gotta drop 15 to fit in those jeans", but like the need to lose half of your body weight, then you know what we're up against.

I realize it really is a lifestyle change. I've been told that my entire life, I get it. But being willing to make that change is more difficult than it sounds. Seriously. I mean, first of all, who doesn't love chocolate and cream filled anything? And butter and jam and all that good stuff? If you tell me you don't, I'll call you a liar to your face. Maybe you've denied it to yourself long enough that you forgot how wonderful it was. Maybe you honestly think you don't like them. But if you were to take a bite of a wonderfully decadent, chocolate laden, butter-based, cream filled something or other you would melt in your seat and ferociously fend off any entity that dared to take even one bite of it away from you.

As you can probably tell, sweets are my Waterloo.

So we've been working on limiting the sweets at our house. It's torture I tell you. Torture.

We've also been working on having more plant based meals. I mean, we already cut out beef and pork, so we're left to fish and poultry as it is. But obviously that hasn't been enough for the kind of dietary changes we need. Portion control is also a factor. But gosh it's hard to feel full off of a plate full of lettuce! And then there's the cost of eating the right foods. (Why do fresh veggies cost five times as much as ramen noodles?)
I've also been looking for meatless alternatives for entrees, and for sides that are more filling and lower calorie/lower fat than what we've been doing. I've found several recipes that have turned out great, a few not so great, but so far, the very best thing I've found that made me feel like I had a truly decadent dinner, while maintaining the low-cost, low calorie, and low fat criteria, has been the Crab(ish) Patties that I whipped up the other day. They aren't exactly meatless, but they are filling, delicious, and easy. And you really could leave out the Louis Kemp artificial crab meat and they'd still be super fantastic.


1 pkg. Extra firm tofu – frozen, then thawed, then drained and crumbled
1 pkg. Louis Kemp Artificial Crab meat coarsely chopped
2 eggs
¾ - 1 cup seasoned bread crumbs plus extra for dredging
1 teaspoon lemon zest
½ each of medium red, green, and yellow peppers diced
 1 small yellow onion diced
1 stalk celery diced
2 cloves garlic, diced
Old Bay Seasoning, salt, and pepper to taste
Olive oil for frying in pan
lemon wedges for garnishment


You should mix the ingredients at least two hours or overnight the night before you want to cook them so that the flavors really set into the tofu. Otherwise your tofu will be very bland and flavorless. I mixed mine up at around noon, and then cooked them for dinner that evening. They were fantastic!

In a large bowl crumble the drained tofu until it is a fine gain consistency. In a separate bowl beat eggs. Add eggs to tofu crumble, mix in the chopped crab meat, veggies, and seasonings. Cover and set in fridge for two hours or the night before. 

When you are ready to cook them, pour some EVOO in a skillet, just enough to coat the bottom of the pan. If you have a really good non-stick pan, you may be able to do without the oil at all. Form patties to the size you want. I made palm sized patties and ended up with a dozen. Lay them on wax paper to make handling them easier. Dredge them in a dish of seasoned bread crumbs. Just the crumbs, no need for egg or milk or anything, the crumbs will adhere to this tofu mixture without any problem. Cook these babies over medium to medium high heat until golden and crispy, about 4 minutes each side. 
Alternate cooking method: Place patties on a greased cookie sheet and cook in a preheated oven at 450 degrees for about 12-15 minutes each side, or until golden and crispy. 

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